Lightly grilled or deep-fried?

It’s my local review tomorrow (Friday). This is the ‘light grilling’ at the end of my six month assessment placement. The outcome determines whether I will be given a place at one of the National Assessment Conferences and it is there that the final decision will be made about whether or not I will become a Candidate for Ministry for the Church of Scotland.

I feel positive about it. The placement has been beneficial and has helped clarify a number of issues. But I don’t want to feel complacent either. I, no doubt, have many rough edges. However, to a degree, the issue isn’t the rough edges as such but rather my self-awareness of them. That said, rough edges that stick out too much, however much one is aware of them, are always going to factor into the selection equation.

I have to confess that, before this placement, I was happy enough to do one but felt slightly frustrated that I had to repeat something I had already done. It wasn’t just a case of going through the motions though. At my last Assessment Conference I was asked about how I would feel if I wasn’t accepted. I answered that I would take it as an indication that I needed to be taught something. I had partly forgotten that when I started the placement – or at least it wasn’t as forward in my mind as it should have been. Well, it transpired that that was exactly what this placement was about – being taught something. And there was a fair bit of learning to do. Some of it was reinforcing what was already there, some of it was new, some of it was old with a new twist, some of it was very personal, some of it was very academic and some of it was about pushing me into areas I knew I needed to address. In other words, it was a placement I needed to do.

So that’s why I feel quietly confident but the better self-awareness is also why I’m not complacent. After tomorrow morning, I may be lightly grilled or deep-fried and crispy. Either way, a little frazzled around the edges is certain.


3 responses to “Lightly grilled or deep-fried?”

  1. Before the meeting…
    Glad that you viewed the placement in the terms you have described. There is an inevitable sense of deja vu with a repeat, but you’ve noted that the focus has been different this time around, and that a certain amount of pressure has been brought to bear on you. That was quite deliberate on my part (and the Prebytery rep knew too and agreed).
    I’m glad that your focus has clarified, and I have no hesitation is recommending you for selection.
    A wee word from a little person … Joy says ‘Good luck’, and I know that she has said what a lot of people have expressed to me from the congregation.
    Many have seen a growth in you during this placement, and I think that is why you’ve been asked to do it.
    There will be at least two people in the room on your side, and, at the end of the day, we’re all friends and colleagues seeking God’s guidance.

  2. Well, not too crispy around the edges I hope despite having a couple of ‘heavy’ questions lobbed in my direction. Should hear middle to late next week, so patience required.

    Thanks for the message from Joy. I meant to say when I was there but it slipped my mind. That’s really sweet of her. I was quite touched when I read it.

  3. I will pass on your ‘ta’ to Joy. It was an interesting meeting and I can’t comment on the outcome yet (you know that).
    I will be happy to chat with you once you get the official letter with the result.
    The process now means that Linda will formulate a report which I (and others who were present) can comment and amend and then the final draft will be sent to you intimating the ‘finding’.
    It’s a fascinating process from where I’m sitting (if a slightly unnerving one from yours) and I’d quite like to get trained up as an ‘assessor’.
    Look forward to seeing you on Sunday morning.

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