If I was being totally honest, I would have to say that it still feels very much like the honeymoon period is in its early days. I’m probably getting off very lightly at the moment, but that’s fine. It’s time being used to settle in. And attempt to tune my ear to the local accent. I suspect people are just being very polite and speaking ‘properly’ around me, because when I hear the locals speaking together I wonder if it’s a different language. Mind you, Kirriemuir itself seems to attract a lot of ‘incomers’. It is, without a doubt, a beautiful part of the country and is eminently commutable to Dundee, Perth, and even places like Aberdeen if you don’t mind a longer drive. It’s well-served with amenities and not too far from places like Forfar if you need a bigger supermarket. You can hit the huge retail park on the north edge of Dundee in under half an hour. A drive through Edinburgh or Glasgow to somewhere similar is probably shorter mileage, but possibly longer in time.

So living here in Kirrie is not a great hardship. Mind you, I’m writing this in Falkirk as I’ve popped back down to load up the car with more bits and pieces.

Settling in comfortably to a new living place certainly makes it easier to settle in to the main reason I’m here at all – ministry. Like I say, I haven’t been overly-burdened so far (maybe I shouldn’t admit that publicly) and that has given me an opportunity to reflect on what I have been doing.

Two ‘proper’ Sundays is not enough to evaluate how things are going generally, but they have still provided enough of a challenge to think about things.

Yet again, sussing out the hymn repertoire of two new congregations is fun. That said, they’re both very good at giving it a go. You know it’s a new one to them by the near silence on the first verse; but there’s certainly a lot more volume by the last. Prayers have been appreciated and commented upon. The children are great to work with, but present some interesting challenges too. we’re both ‘unknown’ to each other and it’ll take a little while to build up a rapport.

Perhaps the biggest challenge is the time constraint between the two services. It means sermons are shorter than I would usually do – well, if I want to fit in the same number of hymns, etc. That’s a good discipline to say things more succinctly and perhaps get to the point more quickly. I’m still very guilty of trying to squeeze too much in and will also need to ‘tone down’ the ‘level’. That’s not any criticism of the congregations, but of me. My ‘fallback’ position when I’m not so sure of what to say, is to make it too academic. It’s where I’m most comfortable and is perhaps a way of not wanting to make things sound too basic. Once I get to know folks better then I’m sure the right level will be found.

Actually, on a related note – I was asked if I might consider re-introducing the mid-week Bible study group. That’s certainly something I’d want to do, and might even, depending on who’s up for it, convene in more comfortable and convivial surroundings. That’s maybe one step too far at the moment, but you never know.

And the relatively quiet start has also allowed me to think ahead a little bit. Not that I’ve spent any time preparing anything, but just beginning to get my head round some of the medium-term issues which need addressing.

So, all-in-all, definitely settling in. And very much looking forward to what’s ahead.

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‘They shall grow not old,
as we that are left grow old;

Age shall not weary them,
nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun
and in the morning,
we will remember them.’

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In a sense that purpose is coming to an end – although reflecting and questioning will continue. It will be in a different context though and I’m beginning to wonder how to reshape the blog to better reflect that. As I see it, I could use the blog as a continuing reflection of my greater immersion into full-time ministry; or I could use it to reflect on wider issues of faith and culture. I’ve never really used the blog for the latter. Other people cover that more regularly, more effectively and more sensitively that I think I would.

I flatter myself to think that my often rambling thoughts have proven to be useful to those also going through ‘ministry formation’ in whatever shape or form that may take. I suspect that many of the issues I have reflected upon are shared by others. I don’t flatter myself that I have the answers to these issues, only that I have grappled with them in my own way and come to some sort of understanding which sits with some integrity of faith and life. Continuing to reflect on a journey further into ministry possibly smacks a little of pride; that what I have to say may be useful. And yet, I really only ever write for my own benefit/pleasure. The simple fact of making it public though does give a bit of a lie to that thought.

And then there is the problem of what to do with the current blog. Do I draw a line under it and move it to an archive, beginning afresh? Or is a continued reflection on ministry a natural continuation of what I have been doing anyway? If nothing else, I may mark the occasion with a theme change and a tidy up of the various links that lurk around (if yours disappears then it’s nothing personal, just part of the spring-cleaning and different focus). After all, it’s been a while since I’ve actually made any changes to the site itself.

All of this assumes, of course, that I will even have the time to blog, but I have learned the value of the activity over the last few years and I would be keen to continue. Anyway, change may be coming, but there are a few more reflections to go on actually getting a ministry to write about.

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The purpose of the weekend is quite clear – the school hopes to benefit from a sixth-year who can work as an effective team, encouraging each other, acting as role-models for the lower years, and maintaining and enhancing the school’s reputation in the community. The way this is done is through breaking down the natural, small teams of friends and demonstrating, through the challenges, how much can be achieved when the bigger team is working effectively. It helps highlight individual capabilities and promote the shared pleasure of success when a task is completed.

Whether that worked or not can only be assessed by the school over the coming year as the group take the skills they have developed and begin to apply them to the work they do with the rest of the year group and with the rest of the school.

I, personally, very much enjoyed the weekend, for all sorts of reasons. Much of the ministry formation training covers team-working, team-management skills, self-understanding and so on. It was fascinating being on the other side of that – ‘teaching’ it rather than being taught it. it was also fascination seeing how others seek to ‘build teams’. I don’t want to appear critical of any staff or of the methods used, but it seemed there was a little too much focus on the ‘correct’ method. We’ve had the benefit of having many different approaches, often accompanied by the grumble, “Oh, this again. Same stuff, different words.” It’s only when you see it being applied that you begin to appreciate the variations and the nuances of the various approaches. I’m very glad we didn’t get exposed to the ‘correct’ way of doing team-building.

As I say, only the school can judge the success of the weekend through the effectiveness of the current sixth-year, but there were a few personal highlights from the weekend that are less about the team and more about individuals.

Over the weekend I got to interact with most of the pupils, and with some more than others. Sometimes you just ‘get’ someone and realise there are underlying issues. When, over the course of the weekend, you see those underlying issues being dealt with and the affirmation of a positive change being stated, then that has to be celebrated as a major triumph. (Sorry if that’s a bit vague, but, for obvious reasons, I don’t want to give too much detail.) And when someone else overcomes a deep fear of doing something, bites the bullet, and succeeds, then that too is a major triumph.

Of course, these personal successes feed into the overall effectiveness of the team, but in focusing on the team, these personal triumphs can often be overlooked. But it is through building on strong, confident individuals who know their capabilities (and limitations) and their worth, that teams are indeed greater than the sum of their parts.

So, a ‘very well done’ to all the sixth-years who took part and ‘grew up’ so much over such a short time, and also a hearty ‘thank you’ to the staff who give of their time for the event because they believe in the value of it, not just for the school, but for the young people themselves.

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Regardless of the politics and controversy surrounding the hotel, it’s a nice place to spend some time – especially if someone else is paying. But we didn’t come to Tiberias and the area around Galilee to spend time in a nice hotel. We were up and out early in the morning to spend time seeing the area, but what better way to spend some time in the area than actually on the Sea of Galilee itself. And if you’re going to potter around in boats, why not spend a bit of time in praise and worship? So that’s what we did. Part way along our voyage the engines were cut and in the (relative) quiet, we sang the very appropriate ‘Dear Lord and Father of mankind’ and spent some time in prayer and praise and contemplation. After our time of worship we got underway again, this time to the sounds of our boat’s captain singing well-known praise songs he had translated into Hebrew. We were also encouraged by him to buy his latest cd of said songs a well.

Our short sail took us from Tiberias to Ginosar where we were met by our coach and proceeded on our whistle-stop tour of key sites (and sights). I think I’ve already mentioned that wherever there’s the faintest whiff of a ‘holy site’ you’ll find a church built on it. Galilee, of course, has its fair share of such sites given that much of Jesus’ ministry was in and around the area. So we duly visited a number of them, commemorating such events as the feeding of the crowds or the place where the sermon on the mount was preached from (this, it must be said, is a particularly beautiful setting). We even visited ‘Pete’s place’ – the site where it is believed the Apostle Peter lived in Capernaum and which now with a somewhat UFO-like (but nevertheless very attractive) church parked over the top of it.

Our return journey to Jerusalem also took us via the Mediterranean coast and a visit to Caesarea (Maritima). Photos here. Its a stunning archaeological site – absolutely huge and with so much to see. It has to be said though that we were all kind of tired and didn’t really do the place justice. After a wander round a cold beer and a sea view won out.

I enjoyed the trip around the Galilee area and it was good to get something of a sense of geography and environment of this key area in which Jesus spent much of his ministry. But, when all said and done, there was little to see – only those churches placed over what tradition holds to be the sites of key events. Thinking about it, what was missing was any sense of ‘life’ about them. I know that the Jerusalem of today is a far cry from what it would be like 2000 years ago, but you still get a sense of people going about their business, their religious observance, their leisure, whatever. There is that strange mix of ancient history in the stones and cobbles still being trod and visited by those doing much the same sort of things today as the people of ancient times were doing. Add to that the ongoing cultural and political issues and there is a greater sense of life mixed with the history.

I think that one of the key thoughts or ‘learning experiences’ from this trip is that ‘people matter’. Buildings and their history and sites associated with important events are all fine and well, but unless you can get a sense how they impact on life then and now, then they are, in many respects, simply interesting artefacts. Maybe it’s simply that Jerusalem is so unavoidably about people that everything else pales by comparison, but I did struggle to ‘connect’ with the visits on this part of the trip.

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The visit to Hebron was a difficult one. Witnessing the effects of Israeli settlements on a Palestinian community was difficult. Seeing some of the ‘propaganda’ used to justify the existence of settlements was frustrating and caused a degree of anger.

But it never takes much in Israel to be reminded that the picture is enormously complex. Not every Jew agrees with what is happening in such places. ‘Settlers’ are not always representative of the wider community and culture. Indeed, they are often the more idealistic ones who have, often, been encouraged to return from other countries to reclaim their ‘birthright’. It is not a simple Jew v Moslem debate.

Added to this mix is the very recent history concerning the way Jews have been treated and how global events have manipulated and influenced the present state of affairs. There are many countries and governments complicit in present, unsatisfactory situation.

Perhaps one of the most emotive events in recent history is the Holocaust and it is a memorial to this event that Yad Vashem stands. The photograph shows the end of the main exhibition hall. Its triangular construction represents the coloured triangular patches of cloth which were sown to garments, in combinations, to represent the ‘crime’ of the wearer. The exhibition hall is just one part of the memorial though. The memorial park itself is huge and houses gardens of remembrance for various groups and ages. There is, for instance, a memorial garden to remember the children who suffered and died in the Holocaust.

There is no doubt that a wander round Yad Vashem is thought-provoking and not a little uncomfortable. The exhibition is exceptionally well done without ever coming across as grisly or voyeuristic. It is, nevertheless, extremely hard-hitting and it’s no wonder that it is a site visited regularly by Israeli conscripts. Near the beginning there is a potted history of anti-Semitism and not just in a Nazi context. It’s a stark reminder of how persecution and hatred of a group can become systemic and unquestioned. Then, only when blatant atrocities are committed are such things questioned. I would hesitate to suggest that such a style of presentation is intended to develop a ‘victim’ complex and to lay a guilt-trip on everyone else, but it certainly leaves a taint in the mind and a bad taste in the mouth.

What is unquestioningly powerful though is the collected testimonies of survivors and victims. Seeing the emotions on the faces of survivors speaking their story to camera and reading the words of diaries and letters and even journals and poems cannot leave anyone unmoved.

Strangely, though, it was not these that had the greatest impact on me, harrowing though they were. There is a room in the exhibition which holds records. The room is cylindrical, maybe 12 metres across and 6 metres high. You walk into a central, raised viewing platform. You are surrounded by box files. These are the records of those who died and were presented at the Nuremberg trials. Seeing millions of lives condensed to plain boxes of paperwork was deeply affecting. It was, in a sense, soul-less. These records are an inadequate witness to the millions of victims. In and of themselves they are just bits of paper – in that sense soul-less. And yet, what they represent is the destruction of human life on an unprecedented scale, made worse by the fact that this was not simply a by-product of war, but a deliberate targeting of and attempt to exterminate specific groups of people (and, of course, not simply Jews). The very soul-lessness of the room and the records was a stark reminder of how dehumanising the treatment of Jews and other targeted groups was. When all someone is is a label, a coloured classification, then a paper record is all they are.

I find this difficult to write about. Words are inadequate to express such outrage and to draw contemporary parallels would be to open a floodgate that would, it seems, be overwhelming. And yet, even in such bleakness, there was hope. Another exhibit room records many of the acts of those who did speak out, who did put themselves in danger to stand up to the oppressors. Many were people of faith; many were great humanitarians; many were simply supporting friends and neighbours.

There is, of course, a supremely contentious lesson to be drawn from such a visit. When you read of Jews being excluded from areas of towns and cities, when they are not allowed to walk in certain areas, when they are treated as something less than human, it is difficult not to draw contemporary parallels. I don’t feel brave enough to dive into them here. Nor do I claim to have any kind of deep understanding of the complexity of issues involved. Yet, in my naivety, or simplicity, I can’t help but wonder…

Maybe it’s best not to go too far down that road, but rather, consider its impact on what our response ought to be. It’s easy to condemn, or point fingers, or play the ‘blame game’. It’s easy to get sucked in taking sides, seeing everything as black and white. I find the work of EAPPI and others of that ilk to be an enormously powerful way forward. They stand in witness to the humanity of all and call for that humanity to be recognised and respected. Unravelling the historical, political, religious and cultural issues surrounding the situation in the middle east is beyond most of us. But acknowledging the humanity and worth of others is eminently within our capabilities. And it is something which doesn’t just have application in places like Israel and Palestine, but can find a place much closer to home too.

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I was speaking with someone recently who was asking what I was up to in the next wee while. By the time I’d rhymed off what was definitely in the diary I realised that a chunk of May had been accounted for, June was a complete goner and July signalled the time for my final report in anticipation of the review in mid-August.

Time, it seems, is not willing to stand still to allow me take stock for a bit. And when I do snatch a moment, I keep thinking in terms of, “But I’ve still to do…” or “I’ve never done…” And, of course, there are all the things that I’m blissfully unaware of that will hit me from out of the blue. But when I snatch a moment and look back at all that I have done, I realise that there has been a lot packed in to what seems a ridiculously short time. And it will soon be time to start dredging it all up and putting it together for a report.

It also came as a shock that I had passed that halfway point and the second half of probation looked an awful lot shorter than the first half. I’m really not convinced that time is constant at all. I think there is some bizarre warp effect that comes into effect the moment you take your eye off the clock to do something. Or maybe time is just downright sneaky.

Anyway – a couple of tangents.

I’ve been reading Eugene Peterson’s,  The Contemplative Pastor and have decided that it should be required reading for all ministers. More to the point, it should be mandatory reading for all vacancy committees.

I’ve also been getting agitated reading recent postings and comments on many of the US-based theology blogs I subscribe to. The issue, of course, is bin Laden. I can’t decide whether to be irritated or saddened by much of the rhetoric that passes for ‘Christian justice’. The, generally, triumphalist attitude is really quite sickening and when respected UK voices are pilloried for daring to question the tone and the actions then I do begin to realise just how vastly different US and European culture actually is. I don’t particularly want to unsubscribe from some of the blogs, because it’s mainly commenters I take issue with, but I see very little response from the bloggers to gainsay them. I’m generally quite happy to read stuff I disagree with, but this recent activity has just left a particularly sour taste.

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To be honest, I was a little put off by the heavy tie-in to Amazon’s Kindle store, but Amazon tends to be my book retailer of choice anyway. Besides, the Kindle does support other formats and the online conversion service for pdf and other documents seems to work fairly well. There are also a number of good programs which will convert to Amazon’s format anyway. Also, some of the large, out-of-copyright book repositories, such as Project Gutenberg, offer their books directly in native Kindle format.

But what’s it like as a book replacement? Rather good actually. Obviously it’s not a book, doesn’t feel like a book and doesn’t look like a book. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be used to read books. And for that, it’s rather good, as I said. It’s not like reading from a pc screen either I should point out. It’s an entirely different display technology and it is claimed to be less fatiguing than a normal lcd screen. I would certainly go along with that and I’ve read for several hours at a time without eye-strain. I doubt that that would have been the case reading from a monitor. In fact, I know from spending many hours in front of a computer that it definitely wouldn’t be the case. Is the same true of the newer tablet devices, such as the iPad? I don’t know – I haven’t tried one.

So why wasn’t I tempted to hang on for an iPad or similar? I know I come across as somewhat anti-Apple and there are historic reasons for that, largely associated with the days I used to use them at work. What they do, they do very well, or, at least, very prettily. Much as I like their prettiness though, I rarely give in to form over function. Take my mp3 player for example. The one I have is an ancient brick of a thing, looks ugly, has a clunky interface and has about as much street-cred as a thing with no street-cred. But, when I bought it, the main competition was the iPod (the older ‘classic’-style) and a few others. But few, and certainly not Apple, supported multiple codecs, direct recording from internal mic, external mic or external line source (and to multiple formats, in multiple quality settings) – at least not without additional, expensive accessories. Nor did anything at that time match the sound quality (Apple have only got close to ‘excellent’ quality with their latest generation players). I’ve also been able to ‘pimp’ it somewhat and, for the last 3 years, it has had 24 hour battery life and 32G of solid state memory – again something only the newest generation of players has caught up with. The point being that function has seriously out-classed form in this device and that’s why I bought it.

And so it is with things like the iPad. It’s too big to be a comfortable ebook reader. Its battery life means that I couldn’t go on holiday with it without a charger (the Kindle lasts for about 3-4 weeks before needing recharged). But the iPad can do so much more, I hear you say. “So what,” I reply. I’ve been through the phase of looking for the ideal device that does everything and concluded that, at the moment, it doesn’t exist. Maybe the iPad’s close, but not close enough. When it’s the size of a paperback, and has a 3-4 week battery life, and I can watch HD movies without squinting, and I can get full internet access and a keyboard I can properly type on and I can use any software from any supplier and I can properly multi-task, then I might be interested. In the meantime, give me a device that does what I need it to do and have it do it well (or at least well-enough). For reading books, the Kindle is close enough.

But what have I been reading? Just a variety of ‘stuff’, including some classic sci-fi. Currently reading ‘The Blue Parakeet‘ by Scot McKnight. Excellent book and I’ll probably be posting some thoughts from it soon.

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Lest we forget,

we will speak their names and hold them in our hearts.

Lest we forget,

we will pray with those who remember.

Lest we forget,

we will seek peace and bring hope.

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