Comments on: A first http://johnorr.me.uk/2009/12/30/a-first/ Random mutterings and musings of mine - a work in progress Wed, 08 Sep 2010 09:31:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: David http://johnorr.me.uk/2009/12/30/a-first/comment-page-1/#comment-4833 David Thu, 31 Dec 2009 17:12:57 +0000 http://johnorr.me.uk/?p=603#comment-4833 I note your pastoral concern for the Council workers.... Over the years I've used a sheet of paper to make notes with (as I think I discussed with you and maybe even shared on your blog) and I base that on questions that I've discovered gets families talking about key moments in their loved ones lives.  Sometimes it requires more work to get the details (and sometimes relatives give you gold dust with s personal distillation of the deceased) but sometimes you are left with very little indeed, partly through a lack of family communication and sometimes they want to minimise what is said for a variety of reasons. The church/graveside option is the least structured of funerals and most flexible time wise and I always mention the possibility of abbreviating the graveside section if the weather is awful. I note your pastoral concern for the Council workers….
Over the years I’ve used a sheet of paper to make notes with (as I think I discussed with you and maybe even shared on your blog) and I base that on questions that I’ve discovered gets families talking about key moments in their loved ones lives.  Sometimes it requires more work to get the details (and sometimes relatives give you gold dust with s personal distillation of the deceased) but sometimes you are left with very little indeed, partly through a lack of family communication and sometimes they want to minimise what is said for a variety of reasons.
The church/graveside option is the least structured of funerals and most flexible time wise and I always mention the possibility of abbreviating the graveside section if the weather is awful.

]]> By: John http://johnorr.me.uk/2009/12/30/a-first/comment-page-1/#comment-4832 John Thu, 31 Dec 2009 09:27:01 +0000 http://johnorr.me.uk/?p=603#comment-4832 <p>Hi David,</p> <p>Not really a fixation about timing, but I'm one of those people who needs to be punctual (ok, a fixation about timing). I appreciate a church service followed by graveside committal is less demanding on a schedule, but given the weather I didn't want to prolong waiting at the graveside or to have the council guys hanging around. To be honest, I was less concerned about getting the timing 'right' and more interested to note that I had included all that I intended doing without either overrunning or having an awkwardly long wait.</p> <p>The missing info on the tribute was less an issue of padding and more just an awareness of 'gaps' in the biography. Not glaring ones, and not ones that necessarily ought to have been included, but just a mental note that I didn't explore all that I might have.</p> Hi David,

Not really a fixation about timing, but I’m one of those people who needs to be punctual (ok, a fixation about timing). I appreciate a church service followed by graveside committal is less demanding on a schedule, but given the weather I didn’t want to prolong waiting at the graveside or to have the council guys hanging around. To be honest, I was less concerned about getting the timing ‘right’ and more interested to note that I had included all that I intended doing without either overrunning or having an awkwardly long wait.

The missing info on the tribute was less an issue of padding and more just an awareness of ‘gaps’ in the biography. Not glaring ones, and not ones that necessarily ought to have been included, but just a mental note that I didn’t explore all that I might have.

]]> By: David http://johnorr.me.uk/2009/12/30/a-first/comment-page-1/#comment-4830 David Wed, 30 Dec 2009 23:11:51 +0000 http://johnorr.me.uk/?p=603#comment-4830 PS Still thinking about your Bible in five statement challenge.... PS Still thinking about your Bible in five statement challenge….

]]> By: David http://johnorr.me.uk/2009/12/30/a-first/comment-page-1/#comment-4829 David Wed, 30 Dec 2009 23:10:24 +0000 http://johnorr.me.uk/?p=603#comment-4829 I've done the age mistake.... mercifully the deceased would have appreciated the error and found it funny. Not sure that a tribute needs to be expanded just to fill a space in the service to get it to an overall length. Granted, other things can be said but if what is said encapsulates the family memory of the deceased then that is all that is required. It shows that you listened and took in all that they were telling you. It was good to get a positive reaction to humorous recollections. You do seem to have a fixation about timing. I would suggest (and think you might agree) that you can be flexible with timings when you have a church service (which I assume this was, given the graveside element). The only time when inflexibility comes into play is at the crem, where staff would not appreciate overstepping limitations. Strangely, when family get involved they can become very selfish about how things are done. Mostly they are trying to do 'the right thing', but at other times this can overspill into something less than worthy, and can often cause upset to following services. Glad this first experience seems to have gone well. I’ve done the age mistake…. mercifully the deceased would have appreciated the error and found it funny. Not sure that a tribute needs to be expanded just to fill a space in the service to get it to an overall length. Granted, other things can be said but if what is said encapsulates the family memory of the deceased then that is all that is required. It shows that you listened and took in all that they were telling you. It was good to get a positive reaction to humorous recollections.
You do seem to have a fixation about timing. I would suggest (and think you might agree) that you can be flexible with timings when you have a church service (which I assume this was, given the graveside element). The only time when inflexibility comes into play is at the crem, where staff would not appreciate overstepping limitations. Strangely, when family get involved they can become very selfish about how things are done. Mostly they are trying to do ‘the right thing’, but at other times this can overspill into something less than worthy, and can often cause upset to following services.
Glad this first experience seems to have gone well.

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