It’s my local review tomorrow (Friday). This is the ‘light grilling’ at the end of my six month assessment placement. The outcome determines whether I will be given a place at one of the National Assessment Conferences and it is there that the final decision will be made about whether or not I will become a Candidate for Ministry for the Church of Scotland.
I feel positive about it. The placement has been beneficial and has helped clarify a number of issues. But I don’t want to feel complacent either. I, no doubt, have many rough edges. However, to a degree, the issue isn’t the rough edges as such but rather my self-awareness of them. That said, rough edges that stick out too much, however much one is aware of them, are always going to factor into the selection equation.
I have to confess that, before this placement, I was happy enough to do one but felt slightly frustrated that I had to repeat something I had already done. It wasn’t just a case of going through the motions though. At my last Assessment Conference I was asked about how I would feel if I wasn’t accepted. I answered that I would take it as an indication that I needed to be taught something. I had partly forgotten that when I started the placement – or at least it wasn’t as forward in my mind as it should have been. Well, it transpired that that was exactly what this placement was about – being taught something. And there was a fair bit of learning to do. Some of it was reinforcing what was already there, some of it was new, some of it was old with a new twist, some of it was very personal, some of it was very academic and some of it was about pushing me into areas I knew I needed to address. In other words, it was a placement I needed to do.
So that’s why I feel quietly confident but the better self-awareness is also why I’m not complacent. After tomorrow morning, I may be lightly grilled or deep-fried and crispy. Either way, a little frazzled around the edges is certain.